The Places We Will Go (Week 1)

School has started. Getting back into the rhythm of teaching again has been a great relief and a great challenge. The relief of beginning the school year comes with knowing that my strict and necessary routine is back in place, as well as another opportunity to practice teaching concepts I had forgotten about for a solid year. I enjoy being back at my desk and hearing the clamor of students through the thin walls of our school building. The rat infestation seems to have been dealt with, yay! And already this week there were specialty chocolate dipped cookies (individually wrapped kind) in the office and cream filled malasadas next to the coffee maker. My coworkers double as friends, people who wholeheartedly join me in creating a place of learning in spite of the daily battles of high school life. School for me is as good as any second home, and I like that.

But, the challenges are ever-present, invisible but tangible. During our last STEMS2 moments this past summer, as we were sitting in our final circle, I shared that I was taking with me a burden…a feeling of obligation and responsibility to do something with what I have been given over our 3 week intensive. I can't yet say I fully understand what it is that I have. But, this idea of responsibility is as poignant today as it was sitting alongside that Mele Mural. This year will be filled with growth and struggle, maybe some tears and hopefully a few "ahah! moments", as I  balance my learning and convictions with thoughtful execution. There's a lot to look forward to as long as I look ahead. Truth be told, I am afraid of running out of time, stress turning to desperation, and the risk of drowning. But, simultaneously I am hopeful of resurgence and clarity, and gaining strength in the knowledge that it's not about me.

Starting from scratch is hard. I've realized that my biggest challenge in shifting my philosophy and habits  will be in removing myself as the focus of my classes. It is humbling to think that at any given moment I can be the biggest obstacle for my students' engagement and motivation to learn stuff. It's a two way street- for sure- but what I don't often consider is how frequently I expel the spaces of reciprocity that should consistently exist in a healthy learning environment, in the spaces I mostly influence. Basically, I do a lot of talking and over-explain things and before I know it eyes are glazed over or the bell rings. Why? I don't really know why I do this, this incognizant power play. I ask myself, "are my explanations thought-provoking and empowering or simply oppressive?". I have spent quite a bit of time trying to remember any teachers that I had who didn't talk a lot. Or talk enough? I don't know, point being, I conclude that a lack of modeling of good teaching practice for me as a young person has encroached on my view of what's possible in my instruction. 

What would happen if we started with just opening the door and taking a walk?

Reading the Gruenewald paper this week was a helpful reminder that if you want to know anything, start by knowing your place. Create the space, to learn from the place, that defines us. And it is out there, beyond the walls and authorities, that meaningful connections are waiting...

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